Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
