I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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