I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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