worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
