Sry I called you an 8
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
