you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize