Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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