I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
