I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Holy shit dude........stairs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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