I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize