you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
