Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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