Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
