Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
