so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
