I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize