this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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