Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
