At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
