im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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