Dual....:-)
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
