I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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