the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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