just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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