bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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