Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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