Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
