I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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