im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
