another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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