the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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