Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He has the fingertips of a God
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