He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
