Porn is love you can see.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
