miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
