i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
