i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
