): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
