omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
