i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
