smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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