the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
