i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
