Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
