my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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