I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
