I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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