Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
