Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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