I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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