He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize