I faked an abortion last night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
