i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
