She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
