In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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