I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
