I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
