are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
