So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
