Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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