did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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