you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
