i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
