At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
