Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
